How to NOT Get Your Ex Back: 5 Mistakes

💡 Before We Begin: Are You Sure You Really Want Them Back?

Breakups mess with our heads, no doubt about it. One moment, you’re convinced you’re better off. The next? You’re scrolling through old photos, wondering if maybe—just maybe—you made a mistake.

But here’s the thing: Wanting your ex back is not the same as needing them back. Sometimes, what we miss isn’t the person, but the comfort, the familiarity, the version of ourselves we were when we were with them.

So before you go all-in on “winning them back,” ask yourself:

🔹 Do you want them back, or do you just hate being alone?

🔹 Are you missing them, or are you just missing the routine?

🔹 If nothing changed—if they stayed exactly the same—would you still want them?

If you’re still sure you want to try again, fine. But let’s make sure you’re not about to sabotage yourself in the process. Because trust me—there are plenty of ways to push them further away instead of pulling them closer.

Let’s talk about what NOT to do when you want your ex back.

We’ve all been there: staring at our phone, overanalyzing every unread message, and thinking, Maybe if I just explain myself one more time, they’ll understand and come back.

Reality check? Nope.

When my ex and I first broke up, I went full Shakespearean heartbreak mode. I wrote the kind of text that belonged in a novel—paragraphs upon paragraphs of emotional turmoil, deep reflections, and, of course, a completely unnecessary playlist link to songs that “perfectly described our love.”

Guess what? Left on read.

So naturally, I did what any heartbroken Queen would do: I sent a follow-up text to ask if they’d received the first one (as if they had somehow missed the 700-word monologue). Still no answer.

And then—because my dignity had clearly left the chat—I sent a third text with “Okay, I get it, I won’t text anymore.” 💀

Spoiler alert: They blocked me.

The truth is, if your ex needs space, flooding their inbox will only make them hit that block button faster. You don’t need to beg to be heard. If they wanted to talk, they would.

📵 Go no-contact for a while. Give them space. Give yourself space. Silence is powerful—it lets both of you reflect without pressure.

💡 Still fighting the urge to text? I get it, Queen. The struggle is real. But so is your power. If no-contact feels impossible, my free Heartbreak Survival Guide can help. Inside, you’ll find mindset shifts, affirmations, and practical steps to stop the spiral. Grab your free copy now and take your energy back

Ah, the late-night Instagram deep dive. Scrolling through their photos, checking their likes, convincing yourself that their new post has to be about you.

And then it happens. The accidental double-tap on a post from 2017. Oh. My. God.

Your soul leaves your body. Your finger hovers over the screen in sheer panic. Do you unlike it? Do you throw your phone into the ocean? Do you flee the country??

Queen, I’ve been there. And trust me, no good has ever come from social media stalking—only stress, overthinking, and occasionally needing to change your name and assume a new identity.

🔇 Mute, unfollow, or straight-up block if needed. At least temporarily. You don’t need to see every little move they make. Protect your peace, Queen. Because you know what’s even hotter than lurking on their page? Not caring. 💅✨

Oh, Queen. We’ve all thought about it. The strategically timed thirst trap. The mysterious Boomerang of clinking wine glasses. The half-face selfie with a man’s arm barely visible in the background.

Cringe.

Sure, it might get a reaction. But let’s be real—do you want them back because they actually miss you, or because they just don’t like the idea of someone else having you?

Because here’s the thing: If jealousy is what brings them running, it won’t be love that makes them stay.

I once had a friend (okay, fine, it was me) who staged a whole “date night” scenario for Instagram—mysterious candlelit table, red wine, my own hand across the table. My ex saw it. And instead of crawling back in regret, he texted me, ‘Who are you fooling? You hate red wine.’

Embarrassing.

💫 Level up for YOU. Post that fire selfie because you feel good, not because you’re waiting for their reaction. Because the real flex? Not needing their validation at all. 😘

Desperation is not attractive. Period.

Look, I get it. When your heart is shattered, dignity tends to take a backseat. The urge to plead your case feels overwhelming. Maybe if you just explain how much they meant to you, they’ll realize their mistake, right?

Nope.

I once sat in my car, ugly crying on the phone, asking my ex Why can’t we just try again? And you know what? He agreed to meet up.

But not because he missed me. Not because he suddenly saw the light. Because he felt bad for me.

That “reunion” lasted two weeks before we broke up—again. Turns out, pity isn’t a strong foundation for love. Who knew?

👑 Own your worth. If you’re going to have a conversation about getting back together, do it with confidence. Not tears, not desperation, and definitely not a 2 a.m. essay-length text. If they don’t want you at your self-respecting Queen level, they don’t deserve you at all. 💅✨

Wanting your ex back is one thing. But what about fixing what caused the breakup in the first place?

A relationship doesn’t just spontaneously combust—something led to the fallout. Maybe it was constant miscommunication, unmet needs, or fundamental differences that no amount of “good vibes” could fix. If you sweep those issues under the rug and pretend they never happened, you’re not rekindling love—you’re just hitting snooze on the inevitable breakup part two.

Trust me, I’ve been there. My ex and I got back together without addressing anything. We convinced ourselves that we’d “just be better this time.” No actual changes, no real conversations—just vibes and wishful thinking. We lasted a month. Turns out, ignoring your problems doesn’t make them disappear. Shocking, I know.

🔎 Be brutally honest. Can the things that led to your breakup actually be fixed? Or are you just romanticizing the past and trying to force something that already ran its course? Because love alone isn’t enough—it has to be healthy love. And if the same cracks are still there, Queen, do you really want to fall into them all over again?

Here’s the truth: getting your ex back might not be the solution you think it is. Sometimes, what we’re really craving isn’t the person—it’s the comfort, the routine, or the idea of love.

But if you do want to rekindle things? Do it the right way.

✅ Avoid these 5 mistakes.

✅ Focus on yourself.

✅ Let them come to you.

And remember, whether they come back or not, you are still worthy of love, happiness, and everything amazing this world has to offer.

Your future self will thank you for not chasing someone who didn’t see your worth the first time.

You don’t have to do this alone. I created the Heartbreak Survival Guide to help you navigate this rollercoaster with strength, clarity, and a little bit of that Queen energy.

Inside, you’ll find:

✨ Daily affirmations to rebuild your confidence

✨ Real-life strategies for moving forward

✨ A step-by-step guide to reclaiming your power—with or without your ex

P.S. Need a mindset shift?

Check out my post on Gratitude & Heartbreak—because sometimes, the biggest game-changer is shifting your focus to what you still have, not just what you lost.

And if you do want to work on rekindling love, don’t forget: Queens in my Inner Circle always get VIP treatment. Check it out here.