Text Your Ex? Read this first!

We’ve all been there—staring at our phone, typing and deleting, debating whether texting our ex is a brilliant move or the biggest mistake of the year. Maybe they’ve been on your mind. Maybe you saw something that reminded you of them. Or maybe, after one too many glasses of wine, texting them suddenly feels like the only logical thing to do.

But before you slide into their messages and potentially open a can of emotional worms, let’s slow down. Because sometimes, texting your ex is the right move. And sometimes? It’s just your loneliness, boredom, or nostalgia setting a trap.

So let’s break it down, Queen. Here’s how to know when to text your ex, when to let it go, and what to say if you do.

Before we get into what to text, let’s talk about why you even want to. Because the truth is, your reason for reaching out says everything about whether it’s a good idea—or a disaster waiting to happen.

Take a deep breath and ask yourself:

• Am I hoping for closure, or am I secretly hoping they’ll beg for me back?

• Do I genuinely have something important to say, or am I just feeling lonely?

• Will texting them give me clarity, or will it just bring back old confusion?

If your answers are more about needing validation than actually having something meaningful to say, put the phone down, Queen. This might not be your moment.

But if your intentions are clear and you’re not just texting to see if they’ll bite, let’s move on.

There are times when texting your ex will do nothing but set you back. If you recognize yourself in any of these situations, do yourself a favor—exit the chat.

We’ve all had that one moment: the breakup sadness kicks in, the wine is flowing, and suddenly, texting your ex feels like the most brilliant idea in the universe.

Except it never is.

Because 9 times out of 10, the text isn’t just “Hey, how are you?”—it’s “I miss you,” “I still love you,” or the dreaded “Do you ever think about us?”

And trust me, waking up to that reality check is never fun.

✨ What to Do Instead: Put your phone in airplane mode, text your best friend instead, and sleep on it. If you still feel the urge in the morning, we can talk.

Let’s be honest—sometimes, the urge to text your ex isn’t about wanting to talk. It’s about wanting to see if they care.

But if you have to test them, Queen, you already know the answer.

✨ What to Do Instead: If you’re craving their attention, ask yourself why. What’s missing in your life right now that has you seeking validation from someone who isn’t even here? Focus on you first.

A hard truth: If someone wants to talk to you, they will. If your ex hasn’t reached out, there’s a reason.

Now, does that mean they don’t care? Not necessarily. But it does mean that you shouldn’t be the one breaking the silence unless you have a solid reason.

✨ What to Do Instead: Give it time. If they miss you, they’ll come forward. If they don’t? You just saved yourself from looking desperate.

Now, let’s talk about the right times to reach out—when sending that message actually makes sense.

If there’s something you need to say for your peace of mind—not theirs—it might be worth sending. But keep it short, clear, and expect nothing in return.

✨ Example: “Hey, I just wanted to say I appreciate our time together. Wishing you all the best.”#

If the breakup was mutual and both of you still care about each other (without wanting each other), then a simple check-in can be totally fine.

✨ Example: “Hey! Saw [something that reminded me of them]. Hope you’re doing well!”

Sometimes, two people just need time apart before coming back together. If you’ve both shown signs of interest, a casual check-in can open the door—without pushing.

✨ Example: “Hey, I heard [something they’d care about]. Made me think of you. Hope you’re doing good.”

If you’re going to reach out, here’s what NOT to do:

❌ No guilt-tripping: “Do you ever think about what we had?”

❌ No novel-length confessions: If it wouldn’t fit in a tweet, cut it down.

❌ No needy energy: “Why haven’t I heard from you?”

❌ No anger: “Hope you’re happy now.”

Instead, keep it light, casual, and free of expectations. That’s the power move.

If you’re staring at your phone, still unsure, remember this: The best texts are sent with confidence, not desperation. If texting your ex is going to set you back, don’t do it. If it’s coming from a healthy place, keep it short and simple.

And before you type that message, ask yourself one last thing:

💬 Am I texting because I genuinely want to, or because I just don’t like the silence?

If it’s the second one, Queen, maybe it’s time to sit with that feeling instead of running from it.

If you’re not sure whether to reach out, what to say, or how to handle their response, I got you. My Should You Text Your Ex? My Cheat Sheets break it all down—when to text, is he a red flag or not, and when to walk away like a Queen. Grab yours now and stop overthinking.

P.S. If you’re still deep in heartbreak mode, my FREE Heartbreak Survival Guide is your go-to for healing and moving forward—with or without your ex. Get it for free here.